We were all ensconced in the old "Judge and Fiddle" which by the way has recently been re-furbished from a traditional drinking establishment into a more modern 'chromium plated gin palace', a description very close to my own liver. At the same time, the owners decided to a re-branding and employed the services of one of these high powered agencies to come up with a new imaginative name. You know the type, they all get together, consume vast quantities of alcohol and mind altering drugs, and then somebody writes down the first understandable phrase that comes out of the boss's mouth. They then meet for five minutes the next morning in their trendy office to justify their incredibly brilliant creation and work out how many zeros to put on the client's bill. So, we are now sitting in the "Pick and F***it" and have been reliably informed that there is some kind of ongoing dispute with the accounts department at the Bodgit and Scarper agency regarding their services.

"It just goes to show that if you work hard enough, you will always get rewarded" said Professor Stumblemore, as he adjusted his magic wand. "You're gonna 'ave to stop doing that in 'ere or you'll be gettin' done for exposing yerself to these young girls that come in 'ere now" Plenty O'Bribes stated in a rather official tone. Which is something we have come to expect from the retired Police Inspector, Judge and part time breeder. "Maybe it's me" I interjected, "but this Arnie chappie is just an actor who apparently knows very little about Politics and really likes fast food judging by his catch phrase 'hand me the pizza baby'. And he can't be as fit as the press makes out if he drives a Zimmer". "That's a Hummer" corrected Plenty. "Thanks very much, I thought nobody had noticed" replied the Professor. The conversation was descending as usual into everybody talking and nobody listening but we did come to one conclusion in that there's not much difference between actors and politicians. We decided on the ego issue that actors obviously had bigger ones, at which point the Professor said he had been an actor once, because they have a tendency to rush to their libel lawyers every time anybody says anything they don't like about them, whether it's true or not. "The Burden of Proof" proclaimed Plenty. "Tell me about it", I replied, recalling the time the Memsaab got her hands on one of my floppies.

As for the England Football team and their threat not to play unless one of their colleagues who had been omitted from the squad after failing to take a 'routine' drug's test was re-instated. Well I just think their egos got totally out of control. Can you imagine the troops going to Iraq (which is apparently nothing to do with WMD's now) and refusing to board the transporter "We ain't going unless Dwayne is coming" because smart old Dwayne had failed to have his Gulf War Syndrome injections. Do these prima donnas believe that because they have some talent for playing with a ball, they are above the rules which stop normal people from violence, sexual misconduct and failing to get education. Yes, they believe it, but what's even worse is that a large element in our so called society think it's OK too.

Well, as for the wonderful world of dogs, I can only say how lucky we all are not to have to deal with the problem of egos. Whether it's those wonderful people at Clarges Street who run the sport, the vast array of Club and Society officers and committee members who give their time freely and expect nothing in return, or the Judges, Exhibitors, Breeders, Handlers or spectators, no egos are to be seen. Yes, my friends every single person involved in this world of dogs we are so privileged to be a part of, show no egotistic tendencies and all are there just for the health and welfare of the dogs. We only have our own pictures taken because our dogs want us be in the shot with them and share in the glory of winning. And when it comes to losing (or 'not winning today' as we politely term it) we never hear anything but praise for the other dogs, competitors and Judges. I should point out at this juncture that I also believe in Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, Politician's Truthfulness, Bank Manager's Sincerity and Publisher's Impartiality.

It would be nice for a change though, don't you think?

Col. Barker (Retd. and currently on vacation in Shangri-La)