After a long week researching the dog as it appears in US publications, I received a strange invitation from a lady attorney friend. "We are having a wake for Megan’s Pussy" she told me. A wake and pussy, what more could I ask for on a lonely October Saturday night in a strange land, a long way from home and the Memsab, I thought. "I’ll be there, do I need to bring anything along?" I asked. It was a serious question as like most people in the world this was going to be my first ‘Pussy Wake’ and I wasn’t at all sure what the form was. Do I take flowers, tins of cat food, toys, a shovel, petrol, a box of matches? I had no idea. Fortunately the problem was solved when 'just drinking-type alcohol' was mentioned, which is the way I like it.

Now this is strange the more I think about it. My attorney friend’s occasional live in Greek Beach Bum lover boy, came to pick me up and suggested we go eat first. He takes me to a Chinese restaurant (you’re ahead of me) and he recommends the Seafood soup accompanied by the Buffalo wings. I didn’t know Buffalo’s had wings? Yeh right, and fish don’t have fingers either. So, as I’m tucking into these alleged pieces of chicken, I couldn’t help but think of Megan’s pussy. Food has that effect on me sometimes. I made my excuses and dashed to the restroom and conducted my own little burial ceremony. This food was starting to interfere with my drinking so it was time to head off to the wake.

The house was very quiet and not what you would expect if indeed a wake was taking place. I understand that the general idea of a wake is to make as much noise as possible and wake up the deceased, just in case they’re not really goners and hence avoid them being buried alive. Well, it turns out that everybody’s outside around a small campfire in the back yard (garden). As we proceeded outside to take our place around the fire, "Mind that hole," somebody shouts. Was that Megan’s Pussy, I ask under my breath? Anyway, it was a little fire and everyone was close to it. This means that an Injun must have made it. ‘White man make big fire and sit far away, Injun make little fire and sit close’. What an education you’re getting this week. When do they throw the cat on then, I thought – after the cooking’s finished, I hope. But then I had forgotten the hole in the garden. It turns out Megan is struggling to dispose of her Pussy and has already kept it in her bed for a day or so. Silly me, I thought it was some strange Injun spices.

I was rapidly losing interest in the wake and got talking to my attorney friend about her latest bizarre case. Well, it’s a ten-year-old boy who has been gored by a Buffalo. Apparently, although the Buffalo are kept behind a fence with signs everywhere "Danger", "Keep Away", this doesn’t stop the inquisitive youngster stepping closer and closer to the fence to feed the Buffalo with some of the local long grass. Had the farmer used fencing material a little stronger than necessary to keep chickens in, the young Buffalo would not find it so easy to push the fence back, pierce the youngsters groin with one of their sharp horns and toss them up in the air. It turns out this happens a lot and the farmer is often faced with a lawsuit and ultimately a Buffalo Bill. Ho ho.

Back to the wake and by now one of the neighbours has come to join the ‘party’ along with his beautiful black lab. The dog proceeds to sniff around everyone, no doubt in search of the source of those strange Injun spices. In this town, and more specifically this part of town, nobody has fencing to separate properties and it’s free movement from yard to yard (or garden to garden if you prefer). So, I’m thinking about the final resting place for Megan’s Pussy and the natural tendency of the Labrador Retriever. No, surely somebody has already thought of this. At which point, the dog comes over to me and having checked him for horns, I start to pet him and turn to his owner and say "lovely dog, what’s his name?" "Digger" he replies and I choose not to ask anything else.

Well Good night. Till next week, when I’ll be telling you all about my cross-country drive from here to ………

Col Barker (Retd.)